Francky Knapp
Need a new apron? A Halloween costume? A German sex club ‘fit that screams kitchen leather daddy? Right this way.
Just when I thought I had seen every kind of apron out there, from trompe l’oeil lobster tails to faux tattooed arm aprons, this BDSM apron came in to demolish the competition. Although, was it really an apron? Kink wear masquerading as an apron? An obscenely rich person’s Halloween costume? An unnecessarily horny fever dream made real? Even our editorial team wasn’t quite sure how to categorize the $2,512 leather apron, but that was also part of its allure. Like David Bowie, olive oil, and the viral Nugget sofas of yore, it seemed to transcend a single purpose or genre.
What did I really know about this BDSM apron, after all? I knew that it was originally on sale for $4,186 (pocket change, for an oil baron’s wife). I knew that it was also marked as “low stock” on the Wolf & Badger site (think, Neiman Marcus, but with an eclectic luxury twist), implying that it was a hit amongst customers. And I knew that it would look great on a centaur, and any other bipedal creature committed to accentuating its muscular and vascular torso and biceps.
The brand behind the half-body harness, half-blacksmith-appropriate leather apron is called Eksandur. According to the brand’s About Me page, it was founded in 2019 by an aerospace engineer and an architect who shared a passion for planet-friendly luxury goods. For example, the brand claims to be the world’s first maker of luxury aprons with chemical-free leather edges and is completely WRAP compliant. Pragmatically speaking, the apron does not include the traditional pocket for a serving or tasting spoon, but it does have a cell phone pocket and a magnetic tool holder. You know, in case you need to send a quick nood while kneading handmade pasta dough or take a selfie while flexing behind a hot, smoky grill.
Is the Eksandur leather daddy apron worth blowing all of my Acorns savings? Not at this time. (Nor do I have that much in my savings account.) Do I still have questions about what home cook needs to be this strapped up on a Thursday? Certainly. But will I think about it anytime someone brings up kink wear, a German sex club, or the need for a new apron? Absolutely.
