Photo illustration by Lille Allen
We asked
“Before we even start the answer, the answer is no,” says Jackson Galaxy, cat behavioral expert and host of My Cat From Hell. I know what I’ve asked him is ridiculous and also too easy. Of course an actual housecat shouldn’t be eating like Garfield, housing lasagna and ice cream and ham, often right off Jon’s plate. But then I thought of the many times my cat tried to rip string cheese out of my hand or lick almond milk out of my cereal bowl, when I’d ask myself the question that launched a thousand lolcats: Can cat have cheeseburger? As a treat?
But according to Galaxy, there is a reason Garfield is fiction. “If Garfield was an actual cat, he’d be dead like 12 times over,” he says. Fair enough. Still, I wanted to know why non-illustrated cats should avoid Garfield’s favorite foods and what they might be able to eat instead. And why, like Garfield, do our real-life cats seem to crave what isn’t good for them?
Can cats eat lasagna?
The classic. The icon. The “world’s most perfect food.” And according to Galaxy, just about the worst thing you could feed a cat. “A cat’s body is 100 percent not equipped to handle any part of lasagna,” he says. “Cats are obligate carnivores, so that means that really, most everything that should be going through their system is meat.” And what’s more, they’re lactose intolerant. So the sheets of pasta, the cheese and herbs in lasagna will all cause your cat distress. “The acidity in tomatoes is no good for cats,” he says, and also notes that garlic is toxic to both dogs and cats. “If you were to get rid of the stuff that makes it lasagna, he can have a pan of meat?,” Galaxy seems to ask himself. “Yeah, that’s about it.”
Can cats eat pepperoni?
Cats being obligate carnivores means meat should be okay, but that doesn’t mean Garfield should be popping a slices of pepperoni like he does in the most recent movie trailer. “The curing process would kick a cat’s ass,” says Galaxy. Pepperoni is pork and beef, but also spices, salt, and again, toxic garlic. “The things that we find delicious about pepperoni is the part that the cat can’t have.”
Can cats eat steak?
“Technically, it would be okay as long as there’s no seasoning on the steak,” says Galaxy. Finally! A steak with no salt or pepper isn’t that exciting, but a cat’s gotta eat. However,Galaxy warns if it’s a T-bone, you’d have to remove the bone, because cats shouldn’t eat cooked bones. Not because they’re unhealthy for cats, but essentially cats are so good at eating them it could become dangerous. “Cats are one of the most accomplished and terrific hunters on the planet, they don’t stroll the savanna with a hibachi,” explains Galaxy. “So they’re very used to gnawing on raw bones. But once a bone is cooked or boiled, it becomes softer and easier to splinter, which could hurt a cat.”
Can I give my cat ice cream?
You’d think with the stereotype of cats lapping up bowls of cream that ice cream wouldn’t be too bad, but as Galaxy said before, cats are lactose intolerant. And that doesn’t account for things like sugar, chocolate, or strawberries in ice cream. But tell this to any cat who sticks their whole face in your bowl! Part of this is due to our “misguided desire to give our cats whatever they ask for,” so cats get the message that they can and should eat whatever we eat. “My cats love ice cream, they just can’t have it, you know?” he says.
Can cats drink coffee?
What would Garfield be without his signature mug of coffee getting him through yet another Monday? Probably a lot healthier. “I’ve been asked that question in the context of actual life, somebody actually asking is it okay if my cat drinks my coffee,” says Galaxy. “And after taking a deep breath, I will say no. Caffeine is not good for cats.”
Can cats eat eggs?
Garfield shouldn’t be putting ketchup on his eggs, but the eggs themselves are actually okay. Plenty of people add eggs to their cats’ food for more protein, and the man who owned the two oldest living cats fed them eggs — as well as turkey bacon, broccoli, coffee, and red wine. A full Garfield diet! Galaxy maintains this is not good for cats, but the occasional egg is “definitely not going to kill your cat,” he says.
But this leaves us with a bigger question: Why do our cats insist on trying to eat everything off our plates? Because they’re just like us. “There’s this incredible evolutionary track that cats have made, the amount of time they’ve spent with us and emerged from just being hunters to scavengers,” says Galaxy. Their palates have adapted to our preferences, and while their evolutionary bodies might be telling them lasagna or a bowl of cereal is bad for them, their brains are telling them it smells and tastes good. As someone who can’t resist a good saganaki despite knowing it will land me a dismal 3 a.m. toilet visit, I relate. So no, don’t feed your cat lasagna. But Garfield’s relentless quest to eat human food might be the most realistic thing about him.
